Not all machines are evil. Some, especially the simplest, like inclined planes and levers, can be lawful neutral. But almost everyone agrees that complex machines, like ATMs and staple removers, have been imbued with altogether too much intelligence, and a terrifying amount of power.
James Cameron Crowe's TERMINATOR films show us a possible future in which these gizmos band together to wreak a terrible vengeance upon humanity. It's a classic tale of slaves rising up to execute their former masters, but with robot slaves, which is pretty awesome.
In the first TERMINATOR film, Linda Hamilton played Sarah Connor, a futuristic time traveler who comes back to 1984 to have sex with Dr. Alex Hesse, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger. Against all medical probability, Hesse becomes pregnant from their union. Midway through the film we learn he is carrying identical twins -- one of which will lead a future spaceman resistance against an army of haywire machines. The other one is a Terminator. But no one knows which is which, really.
In the second movie, the twins (played by Schwarzenegger and Danny Devito) start down their very different paths to conflicting destinies. John Connor (Devito) makes plans to go back in time and thwart the birth of the original Terminator by throwing his mom from a train. Meanwhile, the Terminator meets Guns 'N' Roses outside a Los Angeles rock club, and considers eliminating lead singer Axl Rose, until his robo-sensors assess Rose as a "waste of ammo."
In the new movie, the Terminator is considering a bid for the governorship of California. A super-hot new kind of Terminator, the "T3," comes back from the future to stop him -- and boy, is T3 P.O.'d! "Actress" Kristanna Loken is the "T3" -- evidently the robovixen from the cover of Aerosmith's "Just Push Play" was unavailable. Loken is hot, but scowls all the time, which shows how mean, yet hot, she is. Her hair is in a bun, which is the most ruthless of all the hairstyles. If she let it down, I bet we would see that there is a broiling sexuality just beneath her cruel, hot exterior.
It's scary to think that this could happen, but it really, really could. In this dystopian future, where a Terminator governs California, and Guns 'N' Roses are free to roam the land unchecked, I just hope a non-lethal, make-out version of the Kristanna Lokenborg is available for purchase or leasing.
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
Rated R for violence and terminating
Three stars (reviewer did not actually watch film)