Following France's example,
seriousdanger will institute a ban on Islamic head scarves and other ostentatious religious apparel, effective January 1, 2004, as part of our revised and expanded dress code.
Visitors to the site will be expected to remove banned articles of clothing before entering our archives. The complete dress code follows.
01. All showily religious clothing items including head scarves, veils, large crucifixes, skullcaps, special Mormon undies, and krishnajamas are prohibited. It's OK to kiss a nun, but don't get into the habit.
02. Shoes may not be in any way pointy.
03. Any shirt made to look like sports apparel, where, in place of a team name, a clothing brand name has been substituted, is strictly verboten.
04. Pants must rise approximately to their wearer's hips.
05. Hats of any kind are for wearing out-of-doors, unless you are in chemotherapy.
06. You know those bras with clear plastic straps? Are they supposed to be more discreet, or what? We don't like them at all. It's like your breasts swam into a six-pack ring when they were young, and got trapped.
07. Artificially aged clothing is not permitted.
08. T-shirts may not depict a whole bunch of different sex positions as demonstrated by skeletons, or chili peppers, or stick figures, or cartoon characters of any variety.
09. Jackets must be weatherproof. Seriously, what kind of person buys a jacket that rain will ruin?
10. Gummi bracelets will be interpreted according to the following rules: Yellow ones mean you're into hugging. Purple ones are for kissing. Red ones mean you gave somebody a lap dance. Blue ones are oral sex. Black ones mean you go "all the way."
11. Long hair is not permitted on men, unless they are in high school, or in the Monkees, or just visiting from Europe.
12. Fur is murder.