MYTH: HANDLING FROGS CAN GIVE YOU WARTS.
FACT: It's toads that spread warts. Frogs give you a variety of other degenerative diseases. Remember the mnemonic: WWW DOT AMPHIBIAN FLU HINT DOT COM ("What's wrong with dolts out there? Any man puts his idiot butt in a nasty, froggy lake, unless he's in nature television, deserves odontopathy, chlamydia, or mono.")
MYTH: TUNA ARE FATALLY ALLERGIC TO BEE STINGS.
FACT: The danger posed by bees to ocean life has been exaggerated by Hollywood and irresponsibly sensational journalism. Far more tuna fish die from shark bites every year than from bee stings.
MYTH: THE SEAS WERE ONCE HOME TO A CREATURE CALLED THE "NARWHAL," A WHALE WITH A SINGLE HORN.
FACT: The "narwhal," like the "pug" and the "musk ox," was a hoax perpetrated by unscrupulous 19th-Century taxidermists who created the mythical beasts by attaching unicorn horns to the skulls of giant bullfrogs.
MYTH: CATS LIE ATOP BABIES AND SUFFOCATE THEM BY DRAWING OUT THEIR MILK-SCENTED BREATH.
FACT: Your girlfriend and your kid sister will probably lose their respective shit if they hear you saying so, but kittens are much cuter than human babies, and everyone knows it, even people who don't want to admit it. Come on; it's not like cuteness is the ultimate virtue. Would anyone get mad if you said human babies don't run as fast as ostriches, or aren't as clever as astronauts? It's time we got honest with ourselves and admitted that the baby lobby is totally out of control.