If you're like us, you're wondering how you can best commemorate the one-decade anniversary of O.J. Simpson's post-murder joyride. Also, you masturbate too frequently. We can't help you with the second problem, but we have some suggestions for the first:
01. Host an O.J. film fest with
CIA Code Name: Alexa and
Detour to Terror. (Program can also serve as a Lorenzo Lamas film fest)
02. Ask friends if they have heard about the spike in Americans' milk consumption at breakfast. When they tell you that they have not, say "yeah, because O.J.'ll kill you."
03. Wear tiny, tight gloves
04. Find the real killers
05. Write an essay about the Trial of the Century using only words of three letters or fewer. Here are some words and phrases to get you started: O.J., A.C., SUV, Ito, NFL, bad cop, "if it [did] not fit," and "he got off."
06. Get "Juiced"