Pictured above is the packaging for a television antenna recently purchased by a member of our staff for use in seriousdanger's new Brooklyn offices. As you can see, we went with the fancy designer label: Trisonic, which means "having three sounds."
Wait, what? Whatever. We must have the finest things — by which we mean the cheapest. No matter how nonsensical their knock-off brand names!
From the picture on the front of the box, you can see the device is clunkily ugly in the way that most electronic appliances are, at the bottom of the price scale. It'd be nice if we didn't have to have such an unaesthetic hunk of crap around, but then we'd have to miss "So You Think You Can Dance," which is too high a price to pay for stylish quarters.
So we made our peace with this piece, and opened the box. Check it out:
That's right! We thought we'd acquired the standard-ugly edition of this antenna, but to our surprise we discovered it was the special-super-ugly edition, emblazoned with weird, tacky patriotica!
Thanks, Trisonic, for this totally unexpected explosion of chintzy trash! It was just like Christmas and the Fourth of July — simultaneously, right there in our TV room! Except it's the shittiest Christmas ever, because it's hot outside, and some obnoxious relative shows up with an awful gift, and we're like: "hey, wait, it's not Christmas
or the Fourth of July, so please stop shooting bottle rockets across the TV room because we're trying to relax and watch some fucking 'Last Comic Standing!'"
And, oh: naturally, this revolting celebration of our American way of life was manufactured in China.